1. What is the difference between a milkshake and a smoothie?

    You don’t dip a cheeseburger into a smoothie.

  2. What is the difference between a milkshake and a malt?

    In terms of taste and texture a malt tends to taste thicker and fuller.  In terms of location you tend to be able to get malts at places that know and respect milkshakes (old diners, old school pharmacies).

    In terms of ingredients a malt has all the normal ingredients but has malt added.

  3. Where can I buy the best milkshake?

    (sigh)

    A man walking across a field encounters a tiger. He fled, the tiger chasing after him. Coming to a cliff, he caught hold of a wild vine and swung himself over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Terrified, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger had come, waiting to eat him. Two mice, one white and one black, little by little began to gnaw away at the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine in one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!

  4. Isn’t it entirely possible to chop or grind various larger ingredients (M&M, cookies, etc.) to a size that would fit through a straw? Would that then make them eligible for a milkshake?

    In this life there are things that are right and wrong and then there are things that are a matter of taste.  We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want. Ignore the brilliance of your intellect and return to the unconscious vastness of unknowing.

  5. Where do the candidates stand on the issue of milkshakes?

    We try to avoid politics here at The Milkshake Project choosing instead to focus on educating people about milkshakes, but our mission to answer all questions overrides that policy in this case.

    Barack Obama - pro milkshake (image) (also Michelle)

    Joe Biden - pro milkshake (strawberry)

    Mitt Romney - pro milkshake (and helpful)

    Herman Cain - unknown. His dark coats and rimmed hats have caused him to be compared to Daniel Plainview from the movie “There Will Be Blood” who uttered I drink your milkshake - a phrase which has now been captured by hipsters and printed on t-shirts.

    One of these people dropped out of the race as this post went to print and I will leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine the importance of milkshakes in the mind of the voting public.

  6. I drank a soymilkshake. Should I consult a priest?

    Were you aware that the milkshake was composed thusly when you drank it?  

    I for one have been fooled by many a “shake fake” including, but not limited to, a Weight-Watchers protein powder-based sludge that tasted unintentionally like banana sweat.

    I’ll say that since soy “milk” is according to the popular culture “milk” (and thus fits one of the 3 classic milk ingredients) you are siding with the majority.  But you should know that the majority in this case are people that drive cars that make no noise, drink teas with pieces of grass floating in them, and have strong opinions about things like everything they have ever heard about.  Also this majority thinks that soybeans have nipples, so follow the crowd at your own risk.

    As to your secondary question of whether you should consult a priest I simply ask: have you ever consulted a priest because you ate a poorly prepared pork chop? If not then I think the high-regard you have for milkshakes makes this writer feel that you are forgiven - go in peace.

  7. Faster milkshake drinker - Batman or Spiderman (with straw hole in mask)… GO..

    So for those that aren’t aware of the basic frameworks in play with Batman and Spiderman let’s review:

    Spiderman

    • Bitten by spider who gifted him with special spider-like powers and weaknesses
    • Mouth is covered by mask
    • Serves as symbol of the proper use of power
    • Played by multiple people that all weigh less than 130 pounds

    Batman

    • No supernatural powers other than talent at athletics, unbelievable focus born of personal tragedy, and high intelligence
    • Mouth is not covered by mask 
    • Will never take a life so that he can continue to act as a symbol of the good
    • No actor has ever been considered a “good Batman”

    Let’s walk the factors in play here:

    Spiderman

    - Ability to hang upside down could help in “race to the bottom” of a milkshake

    - Spider-like weaknesses could mean that he does respond well to sudden winterization

    - Pun-filled life full of having fun and hanging with chicks

    Batman

    - Student of the world as told through impressive engineering history which includes hand-built machines to aid flight, creating his own friggin’ car, and other highly-developed skills.  Example - if you shoot Batman he removes bullet with a scapel and then sews his suit fixed

    - Dark, brooding, does not lose - will do anything short of murder to win

    My expert opinion is that Spiderman’s weak life betrays him here.  The fact that you would even list Spiderman’s need to remove part of his mask betrays that deep down you also believe that he needs his hand held through this most manly of pursuits - a milkshake drinking contest.

  8. My milkshake was in the car for a little while and now it is melted.

    That isn’t a question but from your description of the situation the implied question is:

    My milkshake - a symbol of my childhood and consequence-free happiness - is gone and I don’t know how to handle it.

    First - thanks for being open and bringing this problem where it belongs - to the public Internet to be answered by a complete stranger.

    Second - much like the feeling that your childhood and all the freedom that came with it is over your belief that a single milkshake cannot be renewed is false.  Buy another milkshake.

  9. What if I don’t want a milkshake?

    So you want everyone to believe that you came to this website and posted a question and you don’t want a milkshake. Don’t fight it any longer.

  10. What comes first - milk or milkshake?

    Milk as defined as being from a cow and not being milk until it leaves the udder came before Milkshake since Milk is an ingredient of a Milkshake.

    Other variations could, however, have occurred.  The discussion - albeit interesting - of what you are allowed to call “milk” is outside the realm of my scope of this answer.

    So I can state conclusively that Milk came before Milkshake.

    That is unless the following happened:

    In 1973, while making preparations for Skylab 3,  NASA discovered that while milk is the most nutrient-rich food it also presents challenges around storage and taste - its astronauts were repeatedly rejecting the inferior dehydrated milk substitutes and sorta being huge crybabies about it.  Needing an efficient way to store milk in space a radical idea was proposed: send a cow to space.  After most laughed off the idea and were sort of total jerks about it the researcher who proposed the idea came up with a solution for how to feed the cow - using sunlight and a new breed of bacteria to grow grass sustainably. Project Milk Spaceman was born.

    The cow was chosen based on three criteria: imperviousness to stressful situations, abnormally small size, and clean driving record. Ralphie May, the chosen female cow, was actually a radical anti-governmentalist who once in space drugged the crew and embarked on a dangerous personal space walk with the goal of using the space station as a battering ram to disable communication satellites. Her goal of disrupting the political landscape would fail however after her homemade space helmet shattered thus leading to the ensuing vacuum in effect blending and freezing her in-udder milk to 3 Kelvin and creating, for an instant, a milkshake that came before her milk was extracted.